You can’t cry more than the bereaved. So also, you can’t know where the shoe pinches if it is not on your feet.
You can’t complain about how someone has chosen to carry their head. If they prefer to cut it and hold it in their hands, it is their choice.
Of what use is a friend that is never available when needed? What are you supposed to do with a friend who shows up only a couple of days after they were needed?