“The house is burning and the caretaker is calling for it to be repainted.”
That is the easiest way to describe this absurd proposal to rename the country.
Announcing a ban of Twitter on Twitter is like going to someone’s house to insult them. And the someone is an MMA fighter.
At the very least, you should wear a protective helmet before going in.
Hollywood, Bollywood, and Nollywood, the time has come for you to drop this cliche. There are a thousand and one other ways to fall in love. Feel free to go with any other.
My search for a husband has not yielded much result in church. Maybe it is time for me to get professional about it. I need to expand my search to the office.
And that is exactly what I did.
Now imagine your lover doesn’t share your sense of humor. Each time you laugh, they ask, “what’s funny?”
No matter how you explain, they just don’t get it. And whenever you share something you find funny with them, they’ll reply, “and so?” “I don’t get it.”
Can you tell the difference between all three?
Does it even matter which is which? As long as you can get off the floor and take to the skies, does it matter if you are flying, gliding, or soaring?
Once again, in my magnanimous nature, I have done the heavy lifting by researching on how to fix the global Mona Lisa problem.
I hope when this is actualized, the Nobel Committee would be happy to award me the Nobel Peace Prize for my invaluable contribution to humanity.
What do you mean?
After saying Hello, shouldn’t your name be the next thing you say?
You are right about that. Maybe your beauty just stole the words out of my mouth.
Your best bet is to keep quiet and listen to the half gist from wherever you joined. If the opportunity to join in presents itself, feel free to join in.
But do that at your own discretion. Believe me, you don’t want them to wrap up the half gist and make you a full gist.
Honestly, I am still not sure if blessing time is what I’m hearing.
If “blessing time” is the response to “offering time”, then how can “blessing time” also be the response to “testimony time”?
If the immediate thousand people around you all claim something is wrong with you, then it is best you take a second look at yourself.
You might not be getting persecuted, you are just suffering the consequences of your inconsiderate actions.
When I got back to the house, my two gossiping neighbors were nowhere to be seen. So also was whatever little respect I had for them.
This is not over. Instead, the battle line has just been drawn. I don’t know how I would get one over them, but I know I must get my pound of flesh.
On second thought, maybe professional dancers are already tired and want to keep the dancing to a minimum on their special day.
Maybe their pastors and parents warn them to get through the ceremony without excessive dancing. Or just maybe they are so love-struck, that they forget how to dance.
The next people on my manual scan were the protocol team. Look at them in their smart suits. How can your biceps and six-packs be poking your suit?
It is less that they have the biggest muscles around, and more like they bought suits a couple of sizes too small.
It takes a lot of guts or foolhardiness to try and push the boundaries with maximum scammable amount. But if you pull it off, it is worth the effort.
At the same time, if it ever sounds too good to be true, it is probably not true.
With intellectual entertainers though, you might have to stop between your laughter to rethink what you just heard.
It might be on your way home, or even two days later that you remember a line, and it changes your life forever.
With romcom, my head and heart is not stressed like that. The most I have to worry about is will they, won’t they?
I also do not need to think about complicated storylines. And I don’t need to watch my back for creeping shadows while at it.
I have lost count of the number of times I have heard people talk about how they will do things the same way all over again if they had a chance to relive it.
My next question is always “why?”
What you are about to do will make you happy, but at what cost to others?
To love your neighbor as yourself, you must first be considerate. How is my action affecting them? If I were on the receiving end, how would I feel?
By the evening of Sunday, I knew I had no choice but to call Rukevwe. Every bone in me assured me that if this weekend passed without me calling her, I would have blown my chances.
However the dice fall, at least, I would have given it my best shot.
It is so noisy that whenever there is a semblance of quietness, Lagosians get worried. Quietness in Lagos can only mean one thing; trouble.
Teenagers of every generation will always find and create their vices. Hopefully, they don’t cross over into areas of illegality.
Adults taking advantage of their naivety, inquisitiveness, and power imbalance meanwhile will always be morally and legally wrong.
All that came to my mind at that point was that Aproko Doctor would be very proud of this baby. He has been advising everyone to drink water. Especially after they wake up. And here is my baby girl doing exactly that.
More importantly, even while you laugh at me, I can relax in the knowledge that those learning wheels are there to ensure I don’t topple over.
(He that laughs without a broken arm, laughs best.)
It is easy to acknowledge and respect a man of strength while overlooking and underrating a man of patience.
In that same breath, why is strength regarded as a masculine quality and patience as a feminine quality?
If you believe there is something wrong with Nigeria, now is the time to act. Don’t speak up and cry, then go back to collect your salaries and allowances.
There is always the option of keeping quiet and allowing your name to forever rest in infamy. But at least, deny your children the disgrace of seeing you cry like a little bitch.
Sometimes, just like and share a picture and move on. Other times, drop a compliment, the person might really need it.
Just don’t let your compliment always be the precursor to them asking or being asked, “savings or current”.
Have you ever been in a multistorey building and look down at the “peasants” beneath you? Doesn’t it feel cool to be able to see people from a vantage position, and they have no idea you are up there?
Add to that the cool breeze enjoyed by residents of multistorey buildings.
One of the most baffling sights I am always bewildered to witness is that of someone operating with a swagger that can best be described as confident incompetence.
I can’t help laughing when their confident incompetence results in disgraceful failure.
In our daily travels and travails (depending on which applies to you), we need a lot of strength and patience.
Success in any endeavor would be impossible to attain without strength and patience.
Looking back at China’s space junk from 2007 and now, 2021, should space endeavors be a source of worry? Just like with industrialization and global warming, countries that didn’t participate or benefit could be the worst-hit victims.
Honestly, if I had an intern, I would have asked them to go through the tabs and summarize them for me. Unfortunately I didn’t
If I could afford it, I would have hired a temp to do it for me. Again, I can’t afford to.
Everything that has just been said, you will see someone else confidently stand up as if to proffer a solution.
Instead, they will go on to restate everything the last speaker just said. Except in a more fanciful rendition
From shooting themselves in the foot to sticking their foot in their mouth, people end up doing more damage to themselves than their targets.
It is always better to pull a Kante and end things amicably. You ex-friend, boss, or lover should always be left with a smile whenever they see or remember you.
Turns out you can get that legendary status as a goalkeeper by not only stopping goals and even penalty kicks. You can provide assists and score yours too. Not just free-kicks and penalties. Last-minute headers too.
A major key to maintaining strength, morale, and maximizing productivity is knowing when to take a break. Such period is used to rest, recover, research where necessary, and regain strength and motivation for the task ahead.
Do you have an idea how frustrating it is to listen to a speaker, and half their speech is telling you about the true meaning of a word?
They’ll pick a big word and break it into multiple parts, then coin another meaning to it and expect you to find that to be deep.
No one asked you to be a role model or influencer, but that comes with the territory of being a public speaker and influencer. Stop asking people to ignore your personal life but take your words seriously.
There are very few things the lovely people of Lagos love more than public holidays.
The manic tempo of Lagos is one that can only be survived by intravenous doses of public holidays.
If volunteers are asked to pick the books they’ll be interested in writing, the book of Lamentations will have the most volunteers.
As a matter of fact, if the new books don’t have to maintain the size of the old, the book of Lamentations will take up ninety percent of the new Bible. There is just too much lamenting to do.
Please, if you know breakfast in bed is something you look forward to, ask your husband if he can cook before you marry him.
Maybe you should even taste his food. It’s not only guys that need to know about your kitchen skills.