Being Available Without Being A Pest – Josh Journal
A vital feature of a good friendship is being available for one another.
Of what use is a friend that is never available when needed? What are you supposed to do with a friend who shows up only a couple of days after they were needed? Why would you remain friends with a person whose presence is never guaranteed?
A friend that if they promise, or even swear on their life that they would be available, you still immediately have to start looking for an alternative, because you know their word is never their bond.
Isn’t such a relationship torturous? Isn’t that setting yourself up for disappointment after disappointment?
I may not exactly be the best at a lot of things, but one thing I try all in my power to do is to be available for my friends.
Having witnessed people go out of their way to show up for loved ones, I decided to imbibe the practice of being available, dependable, and trustworthy.
There are some people that their presence is worse than their absence. I never want to be such a person.
Imagine someone visiting the home of a new parent. Despite not being a stranger, he is waiting around to be tended and catered to. Or she idles around all day and is expecting them to dish her a meal.
What of people who visit the grieving, and all they want to do is gist and gossip? Or they’ll eventually leave, upset that the relative of the deceased didn’t welcome or pay them proper attention.
If not that I’ve witnessed this, I would have believed it only existed in Nollywood dramas.
There are people who would abuse you making yourself available. They’ll make ludicrous requests, ask for silly favors, and ask for your expertise while trying to avoid payment.
Applying wisdom when relating with such people is a must. Don’t allow your kindheartedness to be taken advantage of and wasted. You would have nothing left to give when people actually need you.
On the flip side, when you make yourself available and see that the situation or need is beyond your ability, speak up. The earlier an alternative help is sought out, the better.
Don’t allow your good intention to make things worse. Sometimes, the intention counts for the action. Hand over to the experts.
On a personal note, I am always saddened when I make myself available to a friend who I can tell needs “a friend”, but they are refusing to open up.
I can feel you are hurt, I know you need help, I am offering myself, but you keep saying no. Or not now. What am I supposed to do?
My psychological makeup will get me fixated on you and your problem, but my emotional intelligence is telling me I can’t cross this line.
All I can do is keep being available until they are ready to open up.
My fear with asking “what’s wrong?” Is that if you ask too often, you begin to sound like a pest.
All I wanted to do was be available, now I am pestering you. There is just no winning.
At the end of the day, we can only be as available as we are welcomed and permitted to be.