“The house is burning and the caretaker is calling for it to be repainted.”
That is the easiest way to describe this absurd proposal to rename the country.
Announcing a ban of Twitter on Twitter is like going to someone’s house to insult them. And the someone is an MMA fighter.
At the very least, you should wear a protective helmet before going in.
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Surround yourself with people that fuel you to do more.
Surround yourself with people who always help you get out of stagnancy.
Surround yourself with people who would always see the good in even seemingly difficult situations.
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Hollywood, Bollywood, and Nollywood, the time has come for you to drop this cliche. There are a thousand and one other ways to fall in love. Feel free to go with any other.
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My search for a husband has not yielded much result in church. Maybe it is time for me to get professional about it. I need to expand my search to the office.
And that is exactly what I did.
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Now imagine your lover doesn’t share your sense of humor. Each time you laugh, they ask, “what’s funny?”
No matter how you explain, they just don’t get it. And whenever you share something you find funny with them, they’ll reply, “and so?” “I don’t get it.”
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How come people only say everything happens for a reason when something bad, dare I say, devastating, has happened?
Why is that not their response to a piece of good news? Or don’t good things also happen for a reason?
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Can you tell the difference between all three?
Does it even matter which is which? As long as you can get off the floor and take to the skies, does it matter if you are flying, gliding, or soaring?
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Firstly, do you know the difference between a tooth and teeth? Do you know how teachers will insist you use the right one each time you were referring to them?
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Once again, in my magnanimous nature, I have done the heavy lifting by researching on how to fix the global Mona Lisa problem.
I hope when this is actualized, the Nobel Committee would be happy to award me the Nobel Peace Prize for my invaluable contribution to humanity.
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What do you mean?
After saying Hello, shouldn’t your name be the next thing you say?
You are right about that. Maybe your beauty just stole the words out of my mouth.
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Your best bet is to keep quiet and listen to the half gist from wherever you joined. If the opportunity to join in presents itself, feel free to join in.
But do that at your own discretion. Believe me, you don’t want them to wrap up the half gist and make you a full gist.
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With hindsight, Nigerians would have been grateful for a sidegrade on Jonathan. By 2024, they would curse the president if he turns out as a sidegrade on Buhari.
Meanwhile, those who got paid to promulgate this propaganda are either in government, too rich to care, out of the country and away from this mess, complaining louder than everyone else, or dying in silence because of pride.
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Honestly, I am still not sure if blessing time is what I’m hearing.
If “blessing time” is the response to “offering time”, then how can “blessing time” also be the response to “testimony time”?
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I still fondly remember the first time you said you love me. It was like time stood still.
I could hear a butterfly land on a flower’s petal a thousand miles away. The blue color of the sky looked freshly painted, to a point of exaggeration. If a pin dropped at the other end of the earth at that point, I would have heard it.
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If the immediate thousand people around you all claim something is wrong with you, then it is best you take a second look at yourself.
You might not be getting persecuted, you are just suffering the consequences of your inconsiderate actions.
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When I got back to the house, my two gossiping neighbors were nowhere to be seen. So also was whatever little respect I had for them.
This is not over. Instead, the battle line has just been drawn. I don’t know how I would get one over them, but I know I must get my pound of flesh.
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On second thought, maybe professional dancers are already tired and want to keep the dancing to a minimum on their special day.
Maybe their pastors and parents warn them to get through the ceremony without excessive dancing. Or just maybe they are so love-struck, that they forget how to dance.
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The next people on my manual scan were the protocol team. Look at them in their smart suits. How can your biceps and six-packs be poking your suit?
It is less that they have the biggest muscles around, and more like they bought suits a couple of sizes too small.
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It takes a lot of guts or foolhardiness to try and push the boundaries with maximum scammable amount. But if you pull it off, it is worth the effort.
At the same time, if it ever sounds too good to be true, it is probably not true.
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When I hear you say, “it’s nothing personal, only business”, is that supposed to serve as an apology? Am I meant to be happy that your business requires me to be hurt?
Next time you are tempted to utter those words, just say “I am sorry” instead.
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With intellectual entertainers though, you might have to stop between your laughter to rethink what you just heard.
It might be on your way home, or even two days later that you remember a line, and it changes your life forever.
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With romcom, my head and heart is not stressed like that. The most I have to worry about is will they, won’t they?
I also do not need to think about complicated storylines. And I don’t need to watch my back for creeping shadows while at it.
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There must be an alternate universe where you and I end up together. But in this universe, how can I end up with this your friend I have come to like?
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I have lost count of the number of times I have heard people talk about how they will do things the same way all over again if they had a chance to relive it.
My next question is always “why?”
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What you are about to do will make you happy, but at what cost to others?
To love your neighbor as yourself, you must first be considerate. How is my action affecting them? If I were on the receiving end, how would I feel?
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By the evening of Sunday, I knew I had no choice but to call Rukevwe. Every bone in me assured me that if this weekend passed without me calling her, I would have blown my chances.
However the dice fall, at least, I would have given it my best shot.
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It is so noisy that whenever there is a semblance of quietness, Lagosians get worried. Quietness in Lagos can only mean one thing; trouble.
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Teenagers of every generation will always find and create their vices. Hopefully, they don’t cross over into areas of illegality.
Adults taking advantage of their naivety, inquisitiveness, and power imbalance meanwhile will always be morally and legally wrong.
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Creator’s remorse is a feeling of regret or sadness a creator feels towards their work.
It could be experienced while still creating it, immediately after completion, shortly after being done, or long after they are done with the work.
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All that came to my mind at that point was that Aproko Doctor would be very proud of this baby. He has been advising everyone to drink water. Especially after they wake up. And here is my baby girl doing exactly that.
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More importantly, even while you laugh at me, I can relax in the knowledge that those learning wheels are there to ensure I don’t topple over.
(He that laughs without a broken arm, laughs best.)
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It is easy to acknowledge and respect a man of strength while overlooking and underrating a man of patience.
In that same breath, why is strength regarded as a masculine quality and patience as a feminine quality?
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If you believe there is something wrong with Nigeria, now is the time to act. Don’t speak up and cry, then go back to collect your salaries and allowances.
There is always the option of keeping quiet and allowing your name to forever rest in infamy. But at least, deny your children the disgrace of seeing you cry like a little bitch.
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Sometimes, just like and share a picture and move on. Other times, drop a compliment, the person might really need it.
Just don’t let your compliment always be the precursor to them asking or being asked, “savings or current”.
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Have you ever been in a multistorey building and look down at the “peasants” beneath you? Doesn’t it feel cool to be able to see people from a vantage position, and they have no idea you are up there?
Add to that the cool breeze enjoyed by residents of multistorey buildings.
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One of the most baffling sights I am always bewildered to witness is that of someone operating with a swagger that can best be described as confident incompetence.
I can’t help laughing when their confident incompetence results in disgraceful failure.
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In our daily travels and travails (depending on which applies to you), we need a lot of strength and patience.
Success in any endeavor would be impossible to attain without strength and patience.
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Looking back at China’s space junk from 2007 and now, 2021, should space endeavors be a source of worry? Just like with industrialization and global warming, countries that didn’t participate or benefit could be the worst-hit victims.
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Honestly, if I had an intern, I would have asked them to go through the tabs and summarize them for me. Unfortunately I didn’t
If I could afford it, I would have hired a temp to do it for me. Again, I can’t afford to.
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Many people have mastered the act of suffering and smiling. They are good at displaying affection and happiness in public, but behind closed doors, they are empty and sad.
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Everything that has just been said, you will see someone else confidently stand up as if to proffer a solution.
Instead, they will go on to restate everything the last speaker just said. Except in a more fanciful rendition
