There is a cliche that I have seen so much in movies, and I am tired of. I am so tired of it that I get more upset each time I see it.
The cliche of two people bumping into each other, one spills coffee on the other, they look at each other, they fall in love.
Seriously, who started this nonsense? And why for goodness sake won’t they let this cliche die off?
First of all, do you know anyone whose love story begins like this? Anyone at all? Young or old, white or black, anyone at all?
To begin with, people that drink coffee hold their coffee in high esteem. They don’t take the spilling of their coffee as a funny incident. It is hurtful to them.
How do you expect to fall in love with someone that just caused you pain?
Have you seen those “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” t-shirts? Those guys are not joking.
They’ve not had a proper drink on their elixir and you are now opening your teeth that you want to fall in love.
Before I forget, coffee is almost always drunk hot. There you are, walking. You turn around and slam into someone. Their hot drink scalds your chest. Tell me how you are supposed to end up in love with that person.
Is it that you like pain? Is that your kink? Are you a masochist?
If you are into BDSM, then I get it. From having hot coffee spilled on you, next thing you will be having hot candle wax dripped on your back.
While I am screaming from the pain your coffee just inflicted on my chest, there is no way I will be thinking, “she is fine. This must be love.”
If you have seen my piece on breakfast in bed, then you know how big a deal laundry is for me. I know a lot of people are in the same boat as me.
On the assumption that the coffee is even cold and I’m not getting burnt, at the very least, I am worried about washing coffee out of my clothes.
How am I supposed to fall in love when you just ruined my favorite white top?
Ok, I don’t really wear white tops, but your coffee still ruined my top. How am I to take that?
The only way this can end well is if you offer to wash my top or pay for dry cleaning.
There is also the fact that I might be going to an important meeting and I can’t show up soaked and stained.
In such an instance, you can offer to buy me a new top. I don’t know if I will take it, but that is more likely to help your case if you’ve already fallen in love with me.
Or else, keep your love to yourself.
Finally, is it really a good idea to fall in love with a clumsy person?
Today it is coffee, tomorrow it is a pot of soup. You will continue to treat burns and wash clothes.
At a point, this becomes a contentious issue. The next thing you hear is, “I need someone to love me for who I am. You knew I was clumsy before you got with me. We even met because I spilled coffee on you.” And they would be right.
People will now start blaming you for trying to change them.
We can only rectify this issue by going back to its root.
Hollywood, Bollywood, and Nollywood, the time has come for you to drop this cliche. There are a thousand and one other ways to fall in love. Feel free to go with any other.