How Can I Do This? – RHETORICS
I’ve found the love of my life, she is all I ever asked for. The moment she said yes to me, it was like I hit a jackpot. Do you know that special kind of feeling?
We’ve been together for about six years now. At the start of the year, she gave me an ultimatum. I needed to “pop the question” this year, else things will be over before I can say, Jack Robinson. Can you imagine the kind of heartache that caused me?
How can I do this? How much do I even have in my account? How much does she think I earn monthly?
I would have just given up and moved on to the next girl, but this is the love of my life we are talking about here. Will you have let her go if you were in my shoes?
At the start of the year, I began searching for another job. Little did I know that vision 2020 was a scam. Where are those that kept hyping the year up before they knew what’s up?
A few interviews were already scheduled up when the lockdown began. From having one job and three prospects, I was down to half my salary. Weren’t you touched by the lockdown too?
The LOML too was placed on half-pay, but a babe must be a babe any day, any time. Inside lockdown, she must keep looking fly. Half of my half salary was redirected towards her “baby girl” funds. What else is a lover boy supposed to do?
Thankfully, lockdown ended. I resumed work just as I resumed my job hunt. Apparently, the economy never recovered from the lockdown, no one was employing. Or do you have a vacancy?
Inside this tightness and with talks of a recession looming, madam reminded me of our talk earlier this year. Apparently, she wants to be a Mrs “before she thirties”. Can you imagine insensitivity?
A man must be a man, so I told her I never forgot. I told her that I was still working out the modalities of blowing her mind with my proposal. Please, who send me?
I went to the jewellers last week to know the cost of the size of “rock” she fancies. Apparently, six months of my salary will still need a little extra to pay for it. Now I must ask, whose idea is it for us to propose with diamond rings in the first place?
I even looked for Black Friday sales on original diamond rings, apparently, that word doesn’t exist in their dictionary. Who would have guessed?
With four weeks to go until the end of the year, how can I get out of this conundrum now? Who has a massive diamond ring they are not using again?
I don’t care how old it is, all that matters is that it still sparkles. Or can you talk to your Grandma and cook up a romantic story that will prompt her to offer me her ring?
I would have threatened to rob a bank, but I don’t have the kind of crew you find on Money Heist. Or do you know a Professor who can help us pull it off?
The same condition that made crayfish bend is already bending me, so I have no option but to say this. Do you have a Sugar Mummy that needs a small boy to be rubbing her leg?
Help me tell her I will come with my BSc certificate and use it to fan her while she sleeps. Abi what else can I offer her?
If I even get the Sugar Mummy, how can I effectively carry out my duties without the LOML finding out? Do you see why I say I have come to respect players now?