Salary Dance #ToTheAltar
It was the 28th day of the month when I got a credit alert from my bank with the note that it was my salary, I almost danced for joy.
This is my first salary ever. In this mode I am in, if anyone looks for my trouble today, I can slap them with five thousand Naira.
I rushed home, stopping to buy my mummy and daddy a bottle of their favorite wine to make my news sweeter. Daddy was out so I cuddled up to mummy on the sofa to show her the text and tell her the good news.
I was expecting her to break into her characteristic celebratory dance, instead, without moving an inch, all she said was “you will get more of this plus promotion”.
I said amen, then she asked “so when are we meeting your husband?”.
The wine bottle almost dropped from my hand in shock. I didn’t even know where to begin from.
Hello!!!!!!!!! Was she not the one who frightened me off boys? Wasn’t it her that chased away every boy that came to borrow a notebook or novel while I was in secondary school? Has she forgotten her prayers during family devotions that “no boy” would near me?
I couldn’t utter a word. I just stood up, carried my bag and trudged off to my room. How am I supposed to respond to that her statement?
That night, after our evening prayer, I was about to leave the sitting room when daddy told me, “congratulations on your salary.”
“Thank you, Sir.” I replied as I sat back into the chair knowing it is time to “talk“.
“Your mummy told me about this afternoon.”
“Daddy, I don’t like what mummy did ooo, she wasn’t even happy or anything, she just started talking about husband.”
“Didn’t I pray you would earn more and get more promotions?” That was mummy talking.
“Yes you did, but you didn’t say it happily or hug me or anything.”
“Calm down baby girl.” That was daddy again.
“Your mother knows what she is saying. She didn’t bring it up properly, but we are supposed to discuss it with you.” He continued.
Then mummy took over again. “Happiness, you are my only daughter, I have done everything in my power to raise you into a strong woman. But a woman is not complete without her husband. Her Ade-Ori. Her crown.”
“Someone to take care of her, to take over from her parents, to give her his name, to make her a mother. Or don’t you want this?” She asked.
“I do mom, (hello, who doesn’t) but I’m still young na.”
“Who told you? At your age I was already married to your father.” She responded hastily.
“But that is olden days na.” I replied her.
“Olden what? All your mates I see on those websites doing big weddings, is it from ancient times or do they have two heads?”
I couldn’t help but burst out in laughter. Who knew mummy use to read Bella Naija?
“This is not a laughing matter Happiness. You are of age and you should begin to tell your bobo to come and see us,” daddy said.
“Daddy, who told you there is a bobo? Me that I still want to do my Masters before one man come and tie me down.”
“Ye!!!! Mo gbe ooo!!! I am dead.” Mummy screamed.
“Mas-what? Happiness, I hope you are joking?” She continued.
“No mummy. See, I need to prepare for professional advancement, get all my qualifications before getting married, so I don’t become a liability to anyone”
“Wait ooo.” Daddy quipped in.
“You mean to tell me you do not have a boyfriend or fiance?” He asked.
“No. I am single and not searching.”
“Happiness, you better be searching.” My mother responded
“But I am not.”
“In that case, we will search for you.” She responded with all seriousness and finality.
“What? This is 2021 for crying out loud.”
“And so? How did you think I married your mother? See us, still happily married.”
“But times have changed,” I countered.
“And so? If you don’t have time, we have all the time in the world” She replied again.
“Alright then,” I replied hesitantly.
I had to act fast at this point, or else I can wake up one morning and find out I have been married out.
“I do have guys that have been “on my case”.”
“That’s my daughter! Omo jo iya e.” My mother shouted excitedly.
“Let her finish first,” daddy stopped mummy before she got over excited.
“I will give one of them a chance then see how things went from there.”
“Ok my daughter, God will lead you right,” My mother replied with a beaming smile.
“Amen‘” I replied as I stood up and left for my room.
Who would have thought that my parents would ever ask me about my boyfriend when they had spent their whole life ensuring no man comes near me?
The time has come for me to take my “toasters” seriously.