If He Ever Says… (Sincerely Yours)
From the first time we met, there was something about you. Like a moth to a lit candle, I was attracted to you.
The problem though, was that we were both involved with other people.
You know I would always be faithful. To the best of my knowledge, you are the faithful type too.
The attraction was mutual, so was the knowledge that it would lead to nothing else.
Every minute of my relationship was happy. In every second of those minutes, you never left my mind.
I wasn’t “emotionally cheating” though. My commitment to her is unparalleled. But the question of what could have been just doesn’t disappear overnight.
If it doesn’t disappear overnight, five years is more than enough time for it to fade out. But it never did.
I would have called this a crush. Or lust. But this is neither. I know enough to know the difference.
When she said it was over, it was my worst nightmare come to life. I’d never for once imagined doing life without her.
How long is long enough to mourn? To hurt? To try to get over her?
They say time heals heartbreak, I doubt if there is sufficient time to heal this one.
They say the fastest way to get over an ended relationship is to get into another one.
But I don’t want a rebound. I don’t want to get over her. But then how long am I to hurt for?
In the midst of it all, I still want you.
Not as a rebound, not as a way to get over her. I want you for you.
I want the “you” I met the first time. Five years is a long time and we have both changed a lot, but I still want you.
The “you” and “us” from five years ago are gone, but we can create a newer and better us.
If I want you, then does that mean I wish him bad?
It pains me to say this, but I can’t in good conscience wish he ends things with you just so I can swoop in.
The pain of a broken heart is not one I wish on anyone. Not even if it means I stand a better chance.
I don’t know him, but for you to have accepted him, then he must be a great guy.
We have spoken about him a couple of times and I know he genuinely makes you happy.
If he didn’t, I would have been the first to ask you to call it quits. You know your happiness has always and will always be my priority.
I wish I could honestly say I wish he slips up. Or in a moment of stupidity, he says he wants a break.
I wish I could wish you guys grew or drifted apart. But that has never been the kind of guy I aim to be.
Just so you know, even if I find someone new, you’ll always have a spot in my heart.
I can’t love you any less. Loving you this much only means I need to love her a lot more.
I don’t know if any woman would complain about being loved that much.
Between now and when I meet a new “her”, I hope he is on his best behavior.
I want to say I’ll keep calling and texting to check up, but we know that would be crossing some lines.
But if he ever says he is done being your man, if he ever says he wants a life without you, if he ever says it is time to part ways, I don’t want you to shed a tear. I don’t want you to be heartbroken. I don’t want you to doubt yourself for a second.
Please, know that someone sees you. Someone wants you. Someone would be glad to have you in their life.
That someone is me.