PSA: National Union Of Nigerian Super-Macho-Men
This is a PSA by brought to you by the gentlemen at the National Union Of Nigerian Super-Macho-Men.
We want to use this medium to bring to your notice issues that have been on our extra strong macho-hearts.
After our last Annual General Meeting, these are our resolutions:
Firstly, don’t you ever, ever, ever use the word “Feminist” near us again. You don’t see us going around whining about how you collect our money and still make us chase you. Neither do you see us band around claiming to be fighting for men right and calling ourselves “masculinist“.
Secondly, there is no better way to say this, Bros before hoes. And no, you might not be a hoe, but there is no word that rhymes with bro that substitutes for hoe. And if there is, we don’t want to know cos we are always right.
Next, we are always right. Do you think someone who is ever wrong can successfully build muscles and look like this?
No. We were right then, we are right now, and we’ll always be right. Even if it is your area of expertise and you have an MSc in it, we are still righter than you.
Also, if we say it can’t be fixed, then it can’t be fixed. Don’t mind the mechanic, electrician, plumber, carpenter, or vulcanizer. If they knew any better, why are they not more successful rather than doing menial jobs?
Just as importantly, if we say we’ll fix it, we will eventually fix it. I know it’s over six weeks that I told you I’ll fix that thing, but until I tell you to, there is no need to start calling up the mechanic or plumber. We will eventually come around to fixing it. Plus they don’t even know the work like that. Worse still, I don’t like the way they look at you. And no, you can’t try out that female mechanic, she is probably a lesbian and trying to get to you.
Finally, the time has come for you to stop hitting our ass. We know you think it’s cute, it is not. We didn’t stick to leg days at the gym only for you to come smacking our ass. That is just emasculating. STOP IT!!!