Let It Go – Josh Journal
I, like many people I know, tend to find it difficult to let friends from the past go.
We stay attached to the memories and emotions shared, then tie this to the person, and eventually, we never let them go.
I’m not talking about people in our present, many of us have detachment (or attachment, depending on how you look at it) issues, and do not know when to call it quits with a friendship.
Instead, I’m talking about people from the past.
Like a friend from your earliest childhood, or primary school, or children’s church.
Whenever we think of or remember these people, what comes to mind tends to be the pleasant memories.
We remember the highlights, the best moments, not the tantrum-throwing, biting, snatching of biscuits or toys.
This in itself is not a problem. The problem arises when we begin to long for them.
I’m a classic example of this. I went out of my way to track down different friends from different times in my life.
Thanks to other friends, and social media, I was able to reunite with about five of them within the last five years.
Suffice it to say that I was disappointed every single time.
One reality I failed to acknowledge was that back then, we were still growing. We were still coming into ourselves. Our personality, knowledge, and emotions were still in the works.
We reunite now the ten to twenty year ago is visible. The paths we have followed have left indelible imprints on us.
Differences are more exacerbated and pronounced. Chats are painfully slow and drawn out.
When we do meet up in person, there are more awkward silence and pauses. Each person is reluctant to ask the uncomfortable questions.
Religion, career, politics, family, we can brush any of them, but we never really probe them open.
If this had happened once, I would have said it was a one-off. If it had happened to only me, I would have believed it was my insufficient social skills.
Instead, I have witnessed people I considered adept with social skills act like fish out of water in situations like this.
That reunion you are hellbent on putting together, it is not necessary. At all.
Alcohol is truly a social lubricant. But what of those who don’t indulge? And would you remember any of the conversations after your hangover?
More importantly, when the “shayo” is in your system, is that actually the real you? Is that the “you” that you want these people to remember after y’all part ways?
Let it go. Let them go.
Enjoy the new friendships and relationships you have made over the years.
Try to maintain relationships in the moment. The level of trust, comfort, and familiarity you have created is not one that is easy to recreate or resuscitate.
Enjoy the moment, let the past go. Cherish the memories, value the present even more.
And rather than force a reconnection, just make yourself accessible and available.
If life and circumstances reunite you, it would be better than anything you could have done yourself.