Every Friday, after school hours, my friends were engaged in something called “The Big Ballers League”.
It involved students from my school and a few schools around. They met at a football field and have their respective teams engage in a league format competition.
Tomi said she is happy to cook and enjoys doing it. According to her, the way to a man’s heart is through good meals, and she intends to practice with me until she gets married.
Nigerians all over the world, no matter how angry they are with the country, still love its people. When they see anyone that shows any sort of respect, admiration, and love for the country, they begin to ride with you.
Don’t dye your hair three colors and expect us not to stare. We need to be able to tell if you are looking good or ridiculous.
If you left your home with the intention of looking stunning, why are you then surprised that we are stunned when we see you.
As I shook hands with Pastor Tega, I looked behind him and saw an elderly woman and three delectable, effervescent, and beautiful young ladies. They were in the company of our outgoing pastor’s family.
They will likely hold this grudge until another incident blows over it.
Whatever the case might be, I didn’t ask anyone not to try getting at Tomi. But I actually pity whoever has the balls to try though.
I will not liken Nigeria’s ruling class to the devil. He must be wondering where they got their own heartlessness from.
Either way, if you must go dining with the Nigerian devil, don’t do it from Nigeria.
Or at least, get out of the devil’s lodge and dining table before you start fighting him.
Don’t these people read books? Don’t they watch movies?
In which storyline does this have a happy ending? Couldn’t they wait until we are done with our current pandemic before they go “probing”?
Eventually, Henry, our class captain had to send out everyone who wasn’t a member of our class.
I don’t need to say it, but the magic of Valentine was dead. Cupid probably sat atop a cloud weeping.
I was expecting someone to say that. And it most definitely had to be Paul. The only thing he loved more than football was the ladies.
Any match day he failed to show up here, you can be certain he had a lady with him at home.
Nigeria is battling an active insurgency in the Northeast region of the country. The soldiers involved in that corridor have complained of insufficient armories. Including bombs.
Yet the government is unleashing the same bombs on its own population.
Did you propose and they turn you down? We buy rejected engagement rings. And if your proposal was accepted but the ring is too big or small, we buy that too.
The closer we got to Valentine, the more desperate guys got about getting a girlfriend. That was the only way to get an invite.
The girls in the class meanwhile knew they held all the aces. They were quite finicky about accepting any propositions.
Fast as lightning, I jumped out of the bed and ran to the sitting room. It seems Tinu forgets that she is a lady, a pretty one at that, sometimes.
She is the one temptation I dare not fall for.
As for General Buhari himself, his antecedent in every ramification of government is extremely poor. In a country with a large number of bad leaders to have governed us, General Buhari still sticks out like a sore thumb.
Our Research and Investigation Department has informed us that if we give you too many gifts, other ladies might see it and get interested in us. We want to remain faithful. We don’t want other ladies to come and tempt us. In our opinion, prevention is better than cure.
On the first day of February, we got into class to meet a massive bouquet of flowers on Valentina’s table. All the girls quickly gathered around her, discussing who the sender might be.
After our argument on cooking, I didn’t want to come off as a “longer throat” so soon. That would guarantee her winning me.
Casually, I walked out of the kitchen unbothered.
At a point, Nigerians have to acknowledge that one of the factors hindering our economic progress as a nation is the constant somersaulting and somertumbing in and out of economic policies by our government.
Our teams of foreign-trained, world-renowned, and award-winning cleaners are at your service. We believe cleanliness is next to godliness, that is why people call us the clean evangelists.
All Team Clean It All want is for you to relax, knowing we are taking care of your dirt.
From the first day we got into school, every boy in my class had been trying to get noticed by Valentina. Boys in other classes too. Even senior students.
Valentina was the crown jewel of our school and every boy was doing all he could to claim her.
As much as I know Tomi and I would be targeted for their gossip, they were the ones I pitied more. Tomi is not one to take bottom-barrel behavior lying low.
Times and circumstances change a little too fast. You suddenly find yourself in situations you’d never dreamt of. Both for good and bad.
When they inevitably search for you online, make sure what they’ll find is exactly what you’d love them to find.
Congratulations on your proposal. Thankfully she accepted.
Before you both drive off into the sunset though, please, who will clean this place?
As she came closer, I could see signs of tears at the side of her eyes. Senior Felicia had really pulled all the stops to try and rescue me. Wow!
If only these teachers knew it wasn’t real.
I helped Tomi in moving the rest of the load to the car, and finally, we said goodbye to her former home.
With all I hold dear, I hope this experiment does not blow up in our faces.
My only wish is that Nigerian Republicans and Democrats bring this same energy to our next election. We need it.
As much as we are affected by what goes on in Washington and London, we are impacted more by what happens in Abuja.
Lagos has never had winter. The small harmattan we have been managing and using to prepare for our relocation to Canada, they still now want to collect it from us and our children.
As the teachers made to take to their position, I could make out Senior Felicia running towards them.
Before our eyes, she stopped in front of Me Ojo and got on her knees. She was pleading with him.
“See, remember all I have told you. I won’t accept any baby if the father has not paid your bride price.”
“That is why there is condom” Tomi’s dad interjected.